Paul Schell, the Mayor of the fine American city of Seattle was recently hit in the face with a megaphone wielded by a carzed protestor. Magically, this incident has imbued Schell with superior insight into the human condition (but it also made him very crabby!). Schell has chosen to use his considerable powers for good (not evil!) to help solve the problems of humanity like a super radioactice 'Dear Abby'.

Dear The Mayor of Seattle,

I want to marry Steve of Sum41 but he probably wont how can I make this possible??


Dear DudeMuffen,

First of all, why the hell do you call yourself 'DudeMuffen'? I have news for you, The Matrix was a movie! Wait let me go get my megaphone:


Normal people have normal names like 'Paul', 'Joanne', or possibly 'Megaphone'. I've never met ANYONE named 'DudeMuffen'.

It just makes no sense! You deserve to be hit in the face with a megaphone. And if I see this Steve person from Sum41, believe me, he's going to get a face full of megaphone too, thanks to you!

Dear The Mayor of Seattle,

Whenever I give a speech outside my voice goes hoarse, what can I do?


Dear Hoarsey,

Don't mock me you little prick.

If you'd like to ask the Mayor of Seattle for some advice please drop us a line at Ask the Mayor of Seattle!


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