Front Page Comics Editor Horoscope Advice

I was at a megaphone convention the other day, looking at all the new models for the upcoming year. And let me tell you there are some beauties coming out!

Then my lovely wife Joanne handed me a list of the latest emails that she downloaded from our home computer that were sent in by the wayward souls that need my guidance. After I read a bunch of them I NEARLY DROPPED MY MEGAPHONE (luckily I didn't).

What followed was a load of total crap! A bunch of teenage girls were going on about some rock n' roll group called Sum41.

Well I went out to my local Sam Goody store and stole their album, and let me tell you, this group is no Paul Revere and the Raiders! They sounded like they were mad at their instruments, or perhaps they didn't have control of their fingers and hands but played anyway. I even played them through my megaphone, but still thought they sounded like Chinese New Year!

Here's a small sample of these sick individuals:

EMAIL 1:
I have a problem I went roller skating and crashed into a mailbox and hit my nose and now it is purple. what should I do??
PS: DONT HIT STEVE WITH A MEGAPHONE HE IS HOTT!!! IF YOU HAVE TO HIT SOMEONE HIT CONE MCCASLIN HE IS THE ONE WHO CHASED THE VAN NAKED WITH A KILBASI SASAUGE WEDGED BETWEEN HIS BUTT!!

EMAIL 2:
what do you have agenst sum41?? huh?? they are the hottest canadian punk rock band in the world!! and tell sarah that steve wants to marry me not her!!
MonkeyGirl

EMAIL 3:
your an evil little whore!!!!!! someone should hit you with a megaphone!! dissin' Steve like that!! who the hell do you think you are?? the rod up your butt must have a rod up its butt!! If you insult Deryck Ill have to kick you ass!! if you dont know what sum41 is you should turn on MTV!!!
Raye

EMAIL 4:
Dear Mayor,
I would like to tell this guy that I may be in love with him but I am to afraid of what he might say. what should I do? Mina

You tell me� was this written by human beings? All the spelling errors make me think that a cat walked across a keyboard and accidentally created these emails. I know a couple things for sure, these individuals are NOT a product of the fine Seattle public school system, and that their parents are probably some namby-pamby, new age, brie cheese eating non-megaphone wielding permissive wimps!

THE MAYOR HAS SPOKEN!

Dear The Mayor of Seattle,

Do you wear short shorts?

Macumba


Dear Macumba,

Actually my lovely wife Joanne bought me some short pants for our weekly game of handball (instead of my hand I use a megaphone). The shorts are about three inches above my knee.

If you'd like to ask the Mayor of Seattle for some advice please drop us a line at Ask the Mayor of Seattle!